A divorce has the power to affect virtually every aspect of your life, and it’s important to get ahead of that effect if you can. Your divorce will impact your relationship with your friends, your job performance, your financial security, and most importantly, it will affect your kids. Your kids may be quite perceptive, and they may already sense trouble between you and your spouse. A St. Louis, MO divorce lawyer can help you figure out a plan to reconnect with your kids.

Co-Parenting Can Be Difficult

If your divorce is contentious, the fallout can be considerable. Divorces are often the result of complicated marital problems that simply cannot be solved; good marriages typically do not end in divorce.

Once the divorce is finalized, you may cease to have a relationship with your spouse beyond co-parenting. However, you should never forget that your kids may have the hardest time adjusting to the new normal. If awarded joint custody, you should both prioritize your kids’ well-being.

Coping with a divorce can be difficult enough without also having to balance building a new co-parenting relationship with your ex and your kids. If you aren’t careful, you may inadvertently give your spouse the tools they need to take control of the narrative and paint you as the unreasonable one. Kids can sense the animosity between their parents. They may even start to think the divorce was their fault. Talk to them and assure them of their innocence.

According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), the divorce rate in Missouri was around 2.7 per 1,000 residents in 2022. That ranks the state among the highest in the nation, but that doesn’t mean divorces happen in Missouri all the time. When they do, you may find yourself dealing with some traumatic feelings. You may want to look into a St. Louis divorce support group, such as The Ethical Society Divorce Support Group or DivorceCare. Talking to someone can help.

Parenting Plans

The most important thing you can do for your kids following your divorce is develop a parenting plan. If you and your ex have a volatile relationship and are unable to be civil, the court may have to develop a parenting plan for you. However, if you and your ex can put your feelings aside for the sake of your kids, you can work together to build a visitation schedule, a plan for child support, and a series of rules that all encompass a parenting plan.

This parenting plan will likely be enforceable by the court. If either you or your ex refuses to abide by the plan, both of you could face legal trouble. The last thing you want to do is try to alienate your ex by being the cool parent or letting your kids get away with things the other parent doesn’t let them do.

If the court sees your actions as parental alienation, you could face severe penalties, including a loss of custody. Being present as a parent should be your first priority.

Tips for Reconnecting With Your Kids

Divorce can be hard on kids, and it’s important that you continue to foster a nurturing environment for them even when you’re not there. Respect the parenting plan above all else, and don’t do anything that could jeopardize the custody agreement. Your ex may be looking for a legal reason to push you out of your kids’ lives forever. Don’t give them that chance. Here are some tips for reconnecting with your kids after your divorce:

  • Be honest and communicative with your kids. Kids are human beings with their own thoughts and feelings. They may need to talk about everything they’re going through. You want to make sure your kids know they can come to you with anything and that they should never be afraid to be honest with you. Listen to your kids’ concerns and work together to consider solutions. Establishing a routine may be a good start.
  • Manage your expectations. Healing is never going to happen overnight. You need to work at it consistently. Rebuilding a bond and establishing a new normal is going to take time and effort. There may be some things you can’t control, and you are going to have to accept that for your kids’ sake. Do what you can to be consistent and present, but don’t expect miracles.

FAQs

Q: Why Is Communication With My Kids Important?

A: Communication with your kids is important because it establishes and builds trust. Trust is a vital element of every important relationship. If your kids feel like they can’t trust you, they aren’t going to open up to you about their concerns and fears. You need to communicate with your kids as part of the nurturing process.

Q: Can Infidelity Affect a Divorce in Missouri?

A: Since Missouri is a no-fault divorce state, infidelity does not automatically grant a divorce. However, evidence of infidelity can impact the way the court decides on asset division, spousal support, and child custody. Infidelity can be a significant contributor to the breakdown of a marriage, especially if the unfaithful spouse was using joint funds to finance the affair.

Q: Is Parental Alienation Illegal?

A: No, parental alienation is not illegal. However, if you can prove that your ex is attempting to alienate the kids from you, it can heavily influence custody arrangements. Divorce courts take parental alienation very seriously, and there may be consequences for the perpetrator. If your ex is refusing to let you see your child or trying to convince your child that you are dangerous, you may have a case of parental alienation to deal with.

Q: Which Parent Will Get Primary Custody?

A: There is no way to determine which parent will get custody without the court’s determination. The court has to do what is right for the child, and that may include ignoring your wishes or your ex’s wishes. Many times, the court may decide to grant joint custody. This ensures that both parents are held equally responsible for raising their child.

Contact a Lawyer Today

At Stange Law Firm, we can help you develop a strong parenting plan and give you tips on reconnecting with your kids after your divorce. Contact us today.